San Andreas
Disaster movies have always been and will continue to be the height of contention when it comes to cinema. After all, they rely heavily on human suffering for a light source of entertainment and there is something so, somewhat, sickening about that. That will to amplify the action and make it impact the audience as they follow the story is disheartening the more extras that are killed off a la red shirt. The thing is, in light of recent tragic events that will continue to happen around the yearly release of new disaster films, there needs to be a degree of sensitivity instead of mindless acts and deaths that make the journey of our hero more intense. San Andreas is at fault for so many of these disaster movie tropes that it is a waste of big budgets, cast and visual excellence.
At this point, it feels superfluous to regurgitate the plot that is almost certainly at the epicentre of these movies. San Andreas revolves around the titular fault line that surrounds most of California and threatens to devastate a bunch of the cities and surrounding areas. Ray is a rescue helicopter pilot who is divorced, having to watch his daughter Blake and separated wife Emma move in with another man - Daniel. When they all head into San Francisco, for one reason or another, they are all hit by the earthquake and have to make daring and dastardly (you’ll know who) escape plans.
The biggest problem with San Andreas is that it is so cheesy that it’s entertaining - which is a bad take away from the film. I don’t mean it in the way of you’ll romp along with the characters in equal desperation for their story. They put in so many overblown and hammy scenes, sandwiched into the narrative by hack screenwriter Carlton Cuse that you can’t help but guffaw at even the most sincere moments. It’s predictable and sloppy, ripped right out of the handbook on how to make a disaster movie that has powered films such as 2012, Towering Inferno and Dante’s Peak into greatness. Comparatively, to these films and last year’s Richard Armitage vehicle Into The Storm, San Andreas is nothing new and it’s just a copy and paste job of all that has come before it.
And the cast try their best, including Dwayne Johnson (who is on top of our list of people to feign injury in front of so we can be carried majestically), but they are left devoid of reason, rhyme and reaction. As they gurn through the script, they cannot measure the right level of tension and we are so wistfully introduced to them that the sense of urgency is devoid. Even though Johnson’s Ray gets five seconds of looking through badly Photoshopped pictures in reminiscence. As much as he tries his best (and the man can and will always provide the best lines and facial expressions ever,) the film is simply not good enough for the talent to hold them together. The young cast pulled through the ringer Alexandra Daddario, Hugo Johnstones-Burt and Art Parkinson are pretty sound but still have to wrap their youthful tongues round shoddy dialogue. And, while we are talking about cast, what a complete waste of Iaon Gruffold as the predictably mean scoundrel Daniel.
It’s a ridiculous shame because the special effects and visuals are stunning. Director Brad Peyton and his team have envisaged a destructed world that looks and feels raw and real. The danger and damage is there, so sublimely realised on the green screen and through the computer effects that it is a waste of a budget to not build upon it with the narrative. The whopping obliteration of San Francisco is defiantly accurate (except the characters who survive ludicrous dangers) and the shocking impact of the earthquake is so powerful and beautifully destructive, it’s the only part that truly saves this from being a waste of time.
With the worst use of All American imagery toward the finale, San Andreas is uncomplicated and that is herein its biggest mistake - it’s utterly forgettable. From every passionate backstory, squeezed out of Dwayne Johnson as a work out for his tear ducts, to the impossible situations our main group survive, San Andreas is so underdeveloped that it is laugh out loud funny - in the most excruciating and guilty inducing way. You’ll predict who is going to die. You’ll say the lines before the words tumbles out of their lips. You’ll know it’ll be instantly followed by a hardened stare that screams out a thin attempt at emotionality and plight. Through the strain as clear as Johnson’s shirts, you can’t help but yearn for a little bit more depth through thorough research and actual sensitivity to the victims mercilessly lost in these type of real life events.
San Andreas is an earth shattering failure.
The film is out May 28th.