Eating Out
I almost feel bad for letting you see this. But as a friend had poisoned my mind with this abhorrence, much like The Ring, I feel the need to share like an unwanted disease (that I am quite sure that the entirety of the cast have). There is a strong sense of guilt as I utter the words Eating Out, I know that I am cursing you with the movie equivalent of the black plague. You know that phrase “misery loves company?” I am revelling in it right now. Maybe it’s because I haven’t stopped thinking about the film that makes me take to my keyboards and dedicate a large proportion of my time instead of astutely demonstrating why, oh I don’t know, Citizen Kane has remarkable camera angles. With that in mind, I just want to say, oh god I’m sorry, no stop reading!
Eating Out is possibly the most ridiculous concept known to man…ever! Caleb has been dumped by the man-eater Tiffany and is feeling a little lacklustre. When his gay roommate anecdotes that homosexuals can acquire more ladies than they can, Caleb becomes intrigued. At a party, he discovers Gwen, the ultimate “fag-hag” who has been dumped by another boy who proclaims he is gay. Instead of saying, sanely, “hey, I’m straight, would you like to go on a date?” Caleb pretends that he is gay and starts dating her roommate Marc whom Kyle fancies. And while you may be reeling from that idea, it only gets worse from there.
Why Is It Bad?
Right, holding back as much as I can without spewing vile because the offensive lines, terrible acting and ludicrous plot are making me queasy just thinking about it, I have to harken back to one scene. Caleb has gotten back from his date with Marc and is failing to find any connection owing to the fact that he likes his dicks to be chicks. For some reason, instead of telling Marc “look, I’m straight” he proceeds to get sexual with Marc and the only way he can do it is via Gwen being on the phone to coerce him. It sums up the entire movie in a “what the fuck is this shite?” nut shell. There is no reason or rhyme to this film, the acting is dire and it is simply appalling. Not to forget that it is downright offensive to anyone who has a brain.
Why Is It Good?
There must be something here that has spawned off entire franchise (five films and counting). I suppose the only redeeming quality is that there are some impressive one-line insults that you’ll inevitably end up using (my favourite “I’m going to circumcise your neck”). And much like watching live surgery there is that sense of knowing it is completely wrong but not taking your mind off it and it’ll stick in your head for the rest of your life. Maybe it is in the “so bad, it’s good” category but maybe Eating Out is so niche that only a handful like it and those who don’t are missing the entire point.
Don’t be fooled by the front cover trying to lure you into a false sense of early noughties LGBT romantic comedies because this makes little to no sense. And I’m not sat here recommending it as such but I have had it bouncing around the noggin for a week now and I simply had to write about it. Whatever THAT is, can’t be 100% terrible, can it? Eating Out will leave you with a massive sense of why.
Whyyyyyyyyyy?