Burlesque
You know, I could harp on for a while about how it is unfair that some singers can act. Sure, in this strikingly visual world where everything needs to be consumed virally and online, singers have to have to an ounce of talent to fill their mini musical movies (music videos). That being said, this thin talent can very rarely be spread to that of the big screen and, although many (MANY) try to receive some sort of acclaim for their performances, it doesn’t always happen that way. (On the contrary, the amount of actors who can actually sing is quite high).
Christina Aguilera is one that falls into the former category. And with Burlesque, we wish she’d have stuck in her bottle (come come come and not let her out).
So feeling very much like a Showgirls spawn with none of the horrible glee that people reveal in and completely tedious, Aguilera stars as Ali – a young girl working in café in the middle of nowhere. After witnessing some violence, she decides it’s time to get out of there. Stealing the cashier money, she runs all the way to Los Angeles in order to make it as a dancer. Using the last of her money, she stumbles into a club named Burlesque and falls in love with the erotic and vintage dancing of the titular variety. Smooshing her way to the top
Why Is The Bad?
Oh Christ, for a “musical” it’s so boring. Dullest in every scrap of the film. Not even the cabaret levitates the story above this tedium, high kicking itself all the way into dreary. Added to this, it’s completely overlong, a whopping two hours with not much to keep it entertaining, Burlesque is just yawn inducing. And who told Aguilera she could act? Is it the same people who told the cast of Showgirls that they were doing a great job? It’s more likely to be the same person (well, it is) who told Cam Gigandet that he could as well. Their relationship is piss poor acting meets piss poor acting, with cringing seductive looks at one another. Yikes.
Why Is It Good?
The outfits are to die for as is the music. But the main reason Burlesque works so well is because some genius in casting decided that Stanley Tucci and Cher. That is just a bitchy crooning pairing that mediate other the catty girls is a heavenly friendship that works on many levels. Tucci, no stranger to playing bitching but brilliant gay men alongside the matriarchal but struggling Cher great this tantalising unity that glitters much more than the sparkly outfits onstage. Offering the sound advice as well as pushing Ali to grow, whilst battling their own demons, they come out with these snappy on point moments that you can’t help but love. Their chemistry is outstanding.
Yes. The best thing about Burlesque is a relationship that takes up fifteen minutes of the screen time. But it’s worth it. That being said, maybe if you have a bunch of your best “effeminate” people around who enjoy a film that has exquisite costumes and a wailing Christina Aguilera plus a pre-Frozen Kristen Bell who plays the pouting bitchy character scorned by everyone. And as much as he can’t act – Cam Gigandet is pretty. So pretty. So muscly. And so. Yes. Pretty.